The Photograph
by vanhorn
Summary: Dean had promised to never let anything bad happen to Sam. It wasn't supposed to go the other way. Now Dean only had one thing left. WARNING: Character death. Does not coincide with Devil's Trap.


A/N: Okay, for all those waiting on the next chapter of A Different Way, I promise it is coming. I generally write down the gist of my chapters on paper before writing, and now I can't find them. I'm slightly worried I threw them away, so I'm starting from scratch. This one-shot is COMPLETELY separate from that story. Plot bunnies attacked. I don't know what the song My Immortal was originally about, but every time I hear it, it just reminds me of losing someone close to you, not a romantic song. So this story is set to it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Evanescence or the lyrics to My Immortal. So nobody sue me. I don't have anything worth owning anyway.

Second disclaimer: Probably the only character death I will ever do of our boys. Prepare yourself.

Please review!

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Dean stared down at the weathered photograph. It was the wallet size and always reminded Dean of school pictures, because the parents had always bought several sheets of that size so they could proudly give them away to family or friends. Except for him or Sammy. "A waste of money" their father had said. And he supposed it was. Couldn't buy arsenal or food with them. But he couldn't deny he had always wanted just one. A pretense of being normal. And while he still didn't have one of himself, he did have this one of Sam.

Dean had taken the picture when he was at Stanford. Sam had never known, but Dean had come by several times to check on him. And early on, just once, Dean had taken a picture. Sam had been standing with a group of friends, when someone had called from behind him. Sam had turned and stepped away from the crowd toward the blond girl with a huge smile that lit up his face. Dean had snapped the picture and quickly walked away before Sam spotted him.

He had kept it hidden in his wallet all these years. When Sam was at Stanford, it was a comfort knowing he could still look at him anytime he wanted. Now, alone in the dimly hit hotel room, Dean knew it was all he had.

**I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone**

Sometimes, he had been so angry at Sam for leaving them, leaving _him_, for Stanford. He would try to block Sam out of his mind, but he was always there. From the time he was born, Sam was as much a part of Dean and as essential as breathing. He was his other half, his better half. Separating himself was not possible. So while he missed him with an ache he wouldn't even acknowledge to himself, he couldn't deny how proud he was of Sam. Not just for having the brains to get into the prestigious school, but for having the bravery of standing up to his family, to their father, for what he believed in. For wanting more out of life than this endless hunting, endless roads, endless hotel rooms. Endless loneliness.

And Sam would have stayed there, and had a normal life, if Dean had not come and got him. He stared at Sam's face that held a happiness he had never seen again. _I'm so sorry Sammy. I should have left you there. God, I wish I could do it all over again. _

**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**

_"Dean, behind you!" Sam cried. _

_The warning saved his life, as Dean whirled around just in time and swung the ax directly into the werewolf that had been about to leap onto his back. He pushed his foot against the wolf and pulled the weapon back out, shoving the disgusting creature to the ground. _

_They had stumbled across news of this pack in their research, and had gone on what they thought was a routine hunt. By the time they realized how many there really were, escape had not been an option. Their only chance had been to fight as they were doing, using whatever weapons they had brought with them. _

_Their saving grace so far was that the werewolves, for whatever reason, weren't attacking en masse. They were circling around, and every minute or so, another one would make an attempt to take out one of the hunters. There had been only two left, and Dean had been watching the one near Sam when his brother had cried out his warning. _

_He sighed in relief that this was nearly over, and had just started to turn around to work with Sam to take out the last one when he heard his brother's cry of pain. He watched in horror as Sam was flung by the last werewolf into the wall and hit the back of his head. Dean heard a short cry and then Sam slumped down with his eyes closed. _

_Dean howled in rage and attacked the wolf that was now stalking the younger unconscious boy. Using the same ax as before, he swung down directly into the wolf's back. Ignoring the shriek of pain the creature emitted as it fell down, he ran over to where his brother was laying.  
_

_"Hey Sammy, time to wake up." He reached behind Sam and gently lifted his brother's upper body into his arms. "C'mon Sam, sleepy time is over." _

_Convinced that Sam would wake up any second, because he **always** did, it took him a few seconds to realize that something was really wrong. He puzzled over it, his mind perhaps giving him a few more seconds of peace. Yet those seconds went by too fast. Dean's whole body went cold when he realized Sam's chest wasn't moving; he wasn't breathing. _

_Dean put his hand to the back of Sam's head and felt the blood seeping out. Dean wasn't capable of rational thought as he hugged his brother to his chest. **No……no…..not you. Please, not you…. **His mind shrieked it couldn't be true, because he had promised Sam. He had promised Sam nothing bad would happen to him while he was around. _

_It wasn't supposed to go the other way. Sam wasn't supposed to save him instead._

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

"_Sammy, what's wrong?" _

"_Nothing," Sam sniffled. He tried to turn away to hide his tears from Dean, but the 11 year old wouldn't let him._

"_Sam, I can't help if I don't know what happened." _

_Sam mumbled something Dean couldn't hear._

"_Sammy?" Now Dean was really worried._

_Sam still didn't look at Dean. "All the kids at school….they don't like me. I heard Derek saying that I was just a fat little loser. And that he heard we moved a lot anyhow, so there was no point in getting to know me." His sobs were heartbreaking for Dean to hear. "I don't have any friends, Dean." _

_The sight of his little brother standing there, shoulders shaking, head down, was more than Dean could take. _

_  
"That's not true, Sam." He put both hands on Sam's shoulder, willing him to look up. He finally did, a trail of tears falling down his cheeks. Dean gently wiped them away. "You've got me. I'm your friend."_

_Sam looked at him for a long minute, then a grateful expression filled his face. He launched himself fully into Dean's arms, wrapping his arms around his waist. "You're my best friend Dean."  
_

_Dean held onto the younger boy tightly. "That's right Sam. I'm always going to be your best friend. I'm always going to be there." _

_Sam let out a little breath, calmed by Dean's words. "I don't need anyone else if I have you." _

_As Dean continued to soothe Sam, he vowed to himself that he would find this little punk Derek and make him pay. And he did. _

**  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

_Sam's scream filled the 13 year old Dean with terror. He leapt out of bed and raced across the hall to Sammy's room. _

_He entered the room in a fighting stance, ready to take on whatever had dared attack his brother. He looked around, confused for a moment, because he didn't see anything. Then his brother whimpered, and he found him in bed, curled up in a tight ball. _

"_Sammy?" A whimper was his only response as he walked over to the bed. _

"_Sammy, what is it?" He sat down on the bed and ruffled his brother's dark hair in an effort to calm him. It was enough to get Sam to sit up slightly and lean into his brother._

"_I had a nightmare. A witch was dragging me away, and you weren't there." Sam hiccupped. "I kept screaming and screaming, and I knew I wasn't ever going to get away. I kept calling for you, but you didn't come. She was going to kill me." Sam started crying in earnest. _

_**Damn it**. Dean had known it was too soon to start taking Sam on hunts, but his father had insisted that Sam learn how to toughen up. It wasn't worth it if it caused Sam these kind of nightmares._

_Dean wrapped his arms around the small shaking boy. "Shhhh….it's okay. It was just a dream. You know I'm never going to let anything happen to you." _

"_Promise?" Sammy looked up with him with hope. _

"_I promise," Dean vowed. _

_Dean leaned down to lie Sam back down in bed and found Sam looking at him with adoration in his face. "I love you Dean."_

_Dean was slightly taken aback by the obvious hero worship in Sam's gaze. His first instinct was to make some snarky comment. But as much as the Winchester's didn't express their feelings, this was Sammy. And because it was, he could say it. "I love you too, Sammy." _

**  
And I held your hand through all of these years**

"_Dean, I can cross the street by myself." Sam was annoyed at Dean's hovering. _

"_Yeah, at 6 years old, you're a real tough guy. But too bad. Until you're as old as I am, I'm still going to hold your hand going across the street."_

_Sam looked at him, frustrated. "Dean, I've never going to be as old as you. You're always older than me."_

_Dean smirked. "That's right. So just get used to it." He grabbed Sam's hand as the light turned green and they crossed the street. He bit back a laugh as Sam tried to look for all the world as if he really wasn't with Dean, even while his small hand was tightly clutching the one Dean offered. _

**  
But you still have  
All of me**

_Even when you left for college, I was always with you._

**You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light**

"_Dean, look!" Sam's face was bright with excitement and happiness, holding up a paper for Dean's review. _

"_What is it buddy?" _

"_I got an A on my spelling test!" _

_Dean smiled and took it from Sam. "That's great, Sammy! I know how hard you studied for that. We'll have to hang this one on the fridge." _

_Dean smiled ruefully as he turned around to find a magnet. He would never understand why Sam wanted to do so well in school, just as much as he couldn't understand why such a small thing as a good grade would make his brother so happy. He looked at the test again and was suddenly struck by the realization that he wished he could be made happy by the same type of thing. _

_He turned around to look at Sam, who was now happily dragging his backpack along the hallway to his room. He knew then, even at his young age, that Sam was his salvation. That Sam could remind him that there were other things out there to be happy about. Things that didn't involve exorcising a demon or banishing a spirit. Things that were normal._

_  
Even if it was something as small as an A on a spelling test._

**Now I'm bound by the life you left behind**

_I can't do this without you Sammy…_

**Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams**

Dean's body shook involuntarily as he looked down at Sam. At a time when he had been happy.

**  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me  
**

_Nothing matters without you here to fight for… _

**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along**

Even when Sam had been with him, there had always been a part of Dean that felt alone in the fight against evil. Sam was doing it for revenge, but Dean…Dean was doing it for his family. But now, with his family, with _Sam_, gone, there was nothing left. Now, he truly was all alone.

With that thought, Dean finally broke and cried. Cried for Sammy and for himself. For the life he didn't want anymore.

And the only thing he had was a photograph to remind him of all that he had lost.


End file.
